Winded.

I'm a worrier. The overbearing-in-your-face-pulse-raising worrier. So naturally when a friend told me they were fasting from worrying I laughed, bursting as I said "how do you think you're gonna do that?" What seemed like the punch line of my day has become a simplistic challenge that I am failing this very moment.

You know what it feels like to fall down, and have the wind knocked out of you? That's what anxiety feels like to me. I can't breathe. I know air surrounds me, but it is as if my brain has forgotten the respiratory process. Anxiety plays me like a never ending spinning top, just when it slows down the next tizzy of life winds me up.

The latest tension has been a mysterious illness, looming deadlines, unknown financial variables, and tension in relationships. In an attempt to do it all my own I found myself lost among knots I could not undo solo. In this place I was spoon fed lies that I swallowed through the tears. This intoxicated me into the misery of clouded living believing that I was alone, and far removed from an uplifting community.

Standing at the end of my own strength, I gave up. As I fell down, I tore my walls letting help penetrate my needs. However this remedy was far different than expected, and all addressed today.
The illness was simply vertigo, and acid re-flux.
The deadlines were issues out of my hand, and taken care of today.
The financial need was fulfilled by the sacrifice of someone close to me who I am daily more amazed by and love dearly.
The tension in relationships were a variety of misunderstanding.



Matthew 6:25-34 (Paragraphed in my Bible as "The Cure For Anxiety") is often referenced in the midst of worries.

The Cure for Anxiety25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

When looking at this passage in hindsight I am realizing that God often addresses our needs differently than expected. At first, while all my needs had been provided for I stood confused trying to fit back in the shell of discomfort, because what was "added to me" wasn't what I needed. It wasn't the rescue I was picturing, it was far to grand for my mind to comprehend.

That's the way Jesus rescues though, in a way that is far to grand for my comprehension. His saving transcends my understanding and goes beyond expectation.

Thank you Jesus for being dressed in the very words of faithful and true.
Thank you Holy Spirit for providing peace like a river.
Thank you Father for your discipline that exhibits your love.